happy.

You had to give it all back at some point, I guess. I didn’t know, really. It felt corny and cliched when our friend came over with a box of my things and tripped over the words ” he wanted to make sure you got this” I didn’t think that actually happened, the brown boxed give back. I assumed it was just a gesture from movies. When he left, I sat on my bedroom floor and went through it all. Judging by the weight of the box, it seemed as if you had cleaned out every article of me until your place had less to say about us, and surely more to say about your newfound independence. After digging past a few more items ( a pair of black Pj’s, a tee-shirt, my phone charger, a hair brush, the necklace I bought you, and two disposable camera’s I knew better than to develop before the years end), the only thing left at the bottom was a photo from our first valentines, also what was our first date. I wore that dress you said you loved and you wore that same damn shirt you always wore, as we sat at a restaurant we knew neither of us could afford. ” we’re going to be so happy” you promised. You took a sip of your drink and said, “you know that right? ” The dust of the day settled on my heart as I rested my head against my bed frame. You were too familiar with the bed, there was too much of you there. But on the floor, there was a place you had never laid claim to, never stained with a memory or a feeling, so I felt safe to stay. I had thought of moving my sheets down to the floor for the night, or longer. But it felt in that moment as if I had turned to stone; ice collected in my joints, stiffened and locked into position. There would be no moving that night, only the stirring of nostalgia, regret and endless whys I as turned my head once again to meet your eyes in the photograph at the bottom of the box. It’s an odd thing being cleared out of a life you planned on merging with your own some day. I don’t know how to erase you. I thought I would start by filling that same brown box you gave me but, as I looked around the room, it turned out that brown box is all I had left of you.